Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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