Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
