I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
