we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
