I can't breathe out the right side of my face
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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