Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My penis needs a shock collar
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
