Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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