did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
