seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
