I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
