Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
