she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
