her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
