So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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