if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
