I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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