the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
