Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
