last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
