He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
