the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
