Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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