I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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