did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
