Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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