I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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