I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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