ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
