Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
