just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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