He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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