dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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