tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
