my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We are all done wearing pants today
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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