Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
