wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
