hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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