I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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