It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
