you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
