The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
