I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
