I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
either way he was missing a nipple.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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