You just made me feel so damn special
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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