I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I AM VODKA MAN
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
