Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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