Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
