I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
