Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
