somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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