i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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