I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
