I want to make a zoo with you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
