just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
