I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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