I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
