So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
