You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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