don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
