awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Bring me that man meat
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
