Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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