You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
