If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
