i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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