Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
