I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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