My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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