My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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