ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
