i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
