Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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