I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
