... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
