It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
