Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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