totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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