What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
