My sheets look like a crime scene.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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