Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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