Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
