i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
