at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
