I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
