It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
