are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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