i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
