i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
