I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
