Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
