being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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